near passed out in the back of this black benz,
shit,
this cab is the last of my money,
the show was good though,
i went with good friends & made new ones too,
i mean lifes hard but i try,
i still remember,
on days like that,
where the sun hits just right,
& the wind is just so,
walking down the abandoned bus lane,
the one at the top of my parents road,
kono no speed saki e,
the song by mass of the fermenting dregs,
burning through my cheap mp3,
a driver who cant read,
almost takes me out with some speed,
it happens like 2-3 times a week,
i scramble over to the pavement,
catch my breath,
continue,
but just so,
the wind picks up at the 1:17 mark,
the part where the guitars swirl,
and my shadow above the trees now,
my false tits on,
that girl in the outline,
she's all ive ever wanted 2 b,
that must be the happiest ive ever been,
until two augusts later,
the start of autumn,
last day of summer,
under the stairs at westfield east,
the place where you're either going to be harrassed by a preacher,
or someone asking if its gay to kiss your father,
im waiting for my girlies,
we always meet here,
today we'll head to the sainsburys,
buy some drinks,
then to the park,
so there we are,
drinks under the london stadium,
king size cigarettes,
a lil birthday treat for me by me,
this,
this is my happiest,
with my two best friends,
talking like no friends should,
we're gassing about boys,
im kind of too dyke to keep up tho,
like she's claiming to be pan but keeps trying for bottom of the barrel bi guys,
and their experience is a toxic ex who keeps creeping back,
and a girl who became a guy on the weekdays,
its all love tho,
we joke about it,
to think i was the inexperienced one at the time,
i was scared off love at the time,
it has been all downhill from there tho,
my mind turned from a sabre to a sword,
and so much bullshit,
im trying tho,
i told my besties in december,
2025 my recovery year,
and it is,
sure i fucked up with the couple i joined,
in 2024,
and yah i hit new lows,
which caused that,
but like last weekend,
i was emotionally spent,
and slept most the day,
but i put the rotting to end,
i got up and saw my friends,
and sure i fucked up a lil,
i couldve taken better care of them,
but i also got closer than ever before with one of them,
i tried,
im trying,
so next time im under the stairs,
at stratford station,
i can show my besties that,
in spite of everything im doing better,
2024 was a long year and im all out of tears,
but i survived,
i did it for my friends,
for my girlies,
for my besties,
so when i feel the pleasure in the pain,
i owe it to them.